62 posts tagged “me”

Yesterday wasn't very pretty for me. I've been foolish enough to let my job get the better of me. It's an extremely frustrating, angsty position, having to answer to two bosses. One doesn't understand credit risk, the other is constantly trying to second-guess the first. One holds the purse strings on what we lend and to whom, so while he wouldn't know real credit risk if it bit his arse, ultimately, he calls the tune.

After getting through the day with a little self-medication from the micro-brewery in the shed up the backyard, plus three or four relaxing cigarettes, I managed to get back to work today. It's as well that I did, because of the seven job applications I made yesterday, one called me. One of the better employers and a position I'd be very happy in. A position with responsibility, autonomy and delegated authority. A major regional bank.

Long & short.........I have an interview next Tuesday. Apparently the head of the division is already quite impressed with my CV, so going up against two other candidates doesn't really phase me. The fact that I worked for the bank almost two years ago as a Lending Manager for one of their franchisees will stand me in good stead as well. Here's touching wood!

Like the one-off wins one has in life.

Remember the other day I identified my "take no prisoners" personality trait as perhaps needing a little buffing up? Well, it exercised itself today in a dangerous manner.

My boss and I we're vigorously 'debating' the rights and wrongs of a particular approach to credit analysis on a particular deal. I disagreed with his position and he disagreed with mine, but the crowning glory was his statement that "well, you can argue with me all you like, but I'm right". Red rag to a bull. My response?

"Yes, well, you're always right, Philip" Fuck! Too late, it was out. Once those words form and pass your lips, there's no going back. As I said, I don't regard that part of my personality as a liability. It's there and not much I can do about it. I've carried it 50 years now, and dammit.....why should I tolerate arrogant idiots? Why should anyone?

His response? "In that case, I'll take the file back and you should consider your future here"  Oh yes....I should point out that I don't come off probation until 10 March.

So......I did consider my future. Had a smoke while doing so and decided that if he doesn't want my help in his business, then he should come right out and say so. I decided to ask that precise question. I came back into the office to be greeted with, "Look, can we start again?" and a hand offered in, if not friendship, at least the spirit of conciliation. I took his hand and said, "Surely"  We're now back on an even relationship. I seriously doubt his pedantic 'always right' attitudes will change because he's my age, my experience level and doubtless of a similar makeup from a personality perspective. I know I'm a much more relaxed individual, but then, I'm not in business for myself either. I just roll up, do my thing and piss off home. I like it that way. I also like......nay, require...... a little respect as a 35 year finance professional. I have opinions and I expect to be allowed to express them without retribution. I'm a professional or at least try hard to be. If we can all operate on the same basis, I'm sure things will work out.

Yes, it IS the little things in life that make it all worthwhile. The little victories, even if it does take a minor infarction to get there.

List five reasons (at least) why you are awesome.
Submitted by goobers18.

I iron my own clothes;
I clean the toilet bowl and always put the seat back down;
I'm not afraid to kill and remove cockroaches;
I'm a great fuck (so I'm told and she ought to know);
I love animals of all kinds;
I grow and flower a mean orchid;
I'm a provider, breadwinner, money-maker and proud of it

That'll do for now. There's clearly heaps more that I ought to be renown for, but being your average modest Aussie, I'd rather leave those elements for others to detail.

Yesterday I had to make one of the worst decisions a responsible pet owner ever has to do. I had to euthanise a two week old cockatiel chick which was slowly starving to death. As often happens in a clutch where one egg hatches a few days before the others, we had a bigger chick competing with two which hatched a few days after it. One died pretty quickly, but the other fought on. It wasn't until I took the nest box down and examined the remaining new chick closely that I realised it had been stepped on by an adult bird, effectively breaking it's legs. The break had healed quickly as happens with young birds, but not having good legs to stand on, it couldn't properly compete with the older chick for food.

I thought perhaps we might save it by hand-rearing, but a close examination yesterday revealed that it wasn't even interested in the hand-rearing food and both legs were badly distorted, incapable of supporting weight. I had to do the right thing, but how to do it? I wandered the backyard with the chick in hand trying to screw up the courage to do something with this warm little body. As I walked past a fence-post, I quickly lashed out, dashing it's tiny head against the post, and it was over. It's bugged me ever since. Oh, it was quick, I have no doubts about that. I immediately buried the poor little bugger where a couple of our other pets are buried, and said sorry. It was the right thing to do. I keep telling myself that, but wouldn't it have been more natural to let it starve? Natural maybe, but I'd hate to starve to death.

I still feel like shit today. I'm not made for killing, even in kindness.

That's what the Doctor's 'stick-this-thing-in-yer-ear' thermometer read yesterday.Depending on where you went to school, that's between 2.7 and 3 degrees celcius above normal. No wonder I felt like death and kept wanting to doze off at a moments notice. The doctor congratulated me on what he regarded as that days record and the fact that I could still stand. Sort of.

This Winter has apparently been one of the worst on record for influenza attacks in Australia. I know of quite a few - including me now - who've been taken out twice by this virulent bug. Mine started with the standard head cold, sinus infection, etc. Easily treated, even though it laid me low for a week with incredible facial pain, copious nose blowing, blocked ears and the rest. The anti-biotics I was given - ten days worth as opposed to the usual seven - seemed to do the trick, even though I was left with a nagging chest cough and runny nose. At least I could hear again and my face didn't fall off at irregular intervals.

I finished the last of the antibiotics on Saturday. By Tuesday I was feeling tired and achey again. Then on Tuesday night I knew I wouldn't be getting up very quickly the next morning. It was that quick. Every joint and gland in my body started to ache, the chest cold got rapidly worse and by 4:00am the next morning I was bundled up in bed wearing a tracksuit,AND dressing gown shivering my little heart out. Of course, being a virus there's nothing medical science can do except offer sympathy and the old sages of advice like 'rest up, plenty of fluids, and chicken soup'. Yes, that's what my Doc suggested....chicken soup. Medicine hasn't really progressed very far, has it.

So, as I write this, I realise that I have no sick leave left, and will probably be into annual leave by now. Does still taking phone calls from business connections, while you're trying to assuage a fever with Nurofen Plus, still count as work?

A word to the wise......or if you've been like me in past years, the foolhardy. Come Autumn, get your flu shot. I'm being made more and more aware as time passes that I'm no longer as young, fit and vital as I once was. I'm fifty in six weeks. I think if I want to make sixty, it's time to start with the more considered health care regime.

Have you ever had a job where you couldn't actually 'do' anything until someone else did what they had to do? I'm in one right now. Yes, I know, I've raved about the advances happening in the establishment of this finance brokerage thingo I'm setting up, but it seems those advances are the singularly brilliant flashes of activity in the pitch blackness which is the seemingly interminable periods of total inactivity.

Last week, our aggregator declared that they wouldn't wait for our last accreditation, but would proceed with their paperwork. That won't be available until Wednesday. Our funders won't accredit us until the aggregator accredits us, and they won't finalise anything until the industry body accredits us, which won't happen until next Monday at the earliest! **SIGH**

I'm not one for inactivity and boredom really drags me down. I've done all I can do in preparation for the real launch, which can't happen this week, and may not happen before the end of next week! FUCK!

Maybe June will see me so busy with proposals from our dealership and referrals from my sources that I won't be able to scratch. I'd prefer that to all this sitting around and playing solitaire.

...and so I have. My Mum and me. A hard task master is the old girl. A true Virgo in every aspect. Perfectionist personified. Love ya Mum!

New Mum

No more TT's, at least not regularly. I start a new job on Monday and all being well, it's going to occupy more time three times more than it's currently occupied. I'm so looking forward to it. A chance once again to do my own thing as a lender. This time, I get paid for the deals as well. Too good!!

I'm smoking again, and I really don't care. I'm smoking again because I want to. It's pipes anyway so the intake isn't great. I'll never do the cigarette thing again. It's too easy and too damned expensive. Pipe smoking is so very relaxing and satisfying. Somehow, I think it's me. At the end of the day, we all die of something. I figure I might as well be happy.

Rabble & I now sleep in different rooms. I can't recall if I've written of this before now, but it's brought on an epiphany for me. I'd completely forgotten how good sleep was when you had the space to actually enjoy it. Sure, it's only 1.2m but it's 0.7m more than I've enjoyed previously and it's mine, baby! All mine!!! Plus I have digital TV, DVD, etc courtesy of my laptop, radio/CD stereo, my own aquarium, CB radio if I really get lonely......hell, all I really need now is a bar fridge!

Life's full of changes. I've come to smile fondly on them, even look forward to changes. Life would be as boring as bat-shit without them.

Here's a query for those of you up on current fashions and societal expectations.

Is it acceptable to sit around in one's jocks (slang for men's underpants of the 'jockey' or bikini brief style) when friends come to call?
Example: Rabble informs me that a friend of ours is dropping by on her way home to pick up some groceries purchased on her behalf because they were cheap today. I whinge, asking "Does that mean I have to put some pants on?" Just a brief explanation.....it's high summer here and whether you want to read this or not, I usually don't wear a whole lot of anything in my own home during the warmer months of the year. That's from, say, November to March. Hey! I'm saving on washing for one thing, and with all the windows open and fans on full blast, it's heaps cooler than sweating into clothing.

Rabble replies that I have jocks on, and 'friend' won't mind. So I figure, what the hell. So.....here's me in my black Bonds size 'L' bikini brief underwear, and 'friend' rolls up to collect her groceries. 'Friend' clearly couldn't give a rat's rear-end about my state of (un?)dress as she stayed and chatted for 30 minutes or so before collecting her goodies and heading home.

Why then am I concerned about other peoples proprieties, if said proprieties clearly aren't offended?

I decided yesterday that what passes for hair on my scone had become too scruffy, and needed what I term 'mowing'. In other words, I grab a set of hair clippers, attach a #1 comb to them, and take to my head. Having created a number one cut all over, I was suddenly struck with the urge to go further. What would it look like? More to the point, what would it feel like, to have no hair at all?